Skeptical Matchmaker Prints

"...his friend is over 6ft tall with broad shoulders, sounds too good to be true!"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"You want to see me, Boss?"

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

Dating site - buy a dog.

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

"The computer appears to have matched you up with yourself Mr Narcissus"

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

"Here we match people by their hatreds. It's a much stronger bond."

'Fortysomething. Is that your age or waist size?'

'I always give the shy guys a 'booster shot'.'