Match Mishaps Lover Pillows

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"You had me at alternative milk."

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

A typical Newcastle fan.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

I love badminton.

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

'His bait got away.'

Ballskeeper

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

'Magic and culinary.'

'You were right - it WASN'T a cat with a racing stripe.'

Race starter shooting Cameraman with starting gun

Golf Cart Punctures

Harpist slicing fingers on strings