Mismatch Lover Pillows

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Son, it's bad enough you goof off all day, but your socks don't match!"

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"You had me at alternative milk."

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'Well this is awkward.'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

I love badminton.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

The Origin of Laundry Day

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

Ballskeeper

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

Anyone for tennis?