Mismatch Joke Lover Pillows

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Great British Eccentrics.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

Busy mom drops a child off at the kennels and is on her way to dropping the dog off at kindergarten.

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"I know what I'm talking about. That battery is dead."

Guess what pants I'm wearing on this Zoom call.

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

'Of course I love you for yourself, silly, I couldn't care less about the thirty five million, six hundred and ten thousand, two hundred and four pounds and sixty eight pence in your bank account.'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

"Could be just a coincidence, but that whining noise seems to stop when your husband gets out of the car."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

'The worst part about marriage is the unpaid overtime.'

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

Anyone for tennis?

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'

I smell feet ... Human feet. About six months ago, I was getting my car fixed, and on the wall of the garage, there was a sign that read, "Change worn shocks at 50,000 miles." I mistook "shocks" for socks."

'I finally got him to change but now he's doing 8 - 10 years in Sing Sing.'