Mismatch Humor Fan Pillows

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'Painter'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

Piano tuner with an assistant.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

Anyone for tennis?

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'