Relationship Mishap Pillows

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"See how controlling he is?!"

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."