Relationship Hiccup Pillows

'I'm waiting for him to call, so that I can ignore him.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Great Therapy!'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

'How long have you been fighting?'

"See how controlling he is?!"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'