Relationship Hiccup Gifts

'I'm waiting for him to call, so that I can ignore him.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Great Therapy!'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'How long have you been fighting?'

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"See how controlling he is?!"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'