Relationship Struggles Gifts

"Which version of yourself was the one who sabotaged the relationship?"

"So she left you. Maybe it wasn't your fault. Sometimes circumstances are beyond your lack of self-control."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"So...are we good?"

'Love is a rose... that's all we really know about it.'

'Breaking Up'

"I don't know what I ever saw in him. I was hoping a fresh set of eyes might see something I missed."

'I suppose your wife doesn't understand you.'

"He's not the frog I married."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Do that thing where you leave."

"I really don't think having extra lessons with your husband is improving matters Mrs Collins."

"I was sleepless once, but it was in Omaha."

"Perhaps your performance anxiety wouldn't be so bad if you performed better."

"He's Fox News. I'm CNN and MSNBC."

'The wife couldn't bring herself to cut up all my clothes - so she ironed creases in all my jeans.'

"A Relate Counsellor is dropping by at 3.00 pm to help sort out our marriage problems. It would be nice if you were here."

"I said... he doesn't pay me any attention any more!"

"Go on, pick a card - I'm trying to put some magic back into our marriage."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'Ever since we bought that blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'We are finished, Fred. This lonliness is better than our bickering.'

Marriage helper.

'My wife understands me, but she's ugly as hell.'

Bloody Little Hitler

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

'I've reached that awkward stage in my life...between 'Do you take this man' and 'Till death do you part.''

"I don't understand, one day, during half-time, she stuck a note to my six pack and left."

'It used to be loving spoonfuls and lots of sugar, but lately all he does is stir up trouble.'

His love for himself is so great, I'm just in the way