Facing Relationship Challenges Gifts

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

Life is for the birds.

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

DIY marriage counseling.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

'How long have you been fighting?'

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).