Navigating Relationship Hurdles Gifts

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

Life is for the birds.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

DIY marriage counseling.

Relationship Issues.

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

"See how controlling he is?!"

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

Worm Bed

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'We were so attracted to each other - now we're just poles apart'