Navigating Relationship Challenges Gifts

"Technically, we have an open marriage, but so far there's just Michael and me."

"We've all got different ways of showing affection."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

DIY marriage counseling.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'How long have you been fighting?'

Relationship Issues.

Worm Bed

"See how controlling he is?!"

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)