Relationship Woes Gifts

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Life is for the birds.

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Great Therapy!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"We don't talk anymore."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

DIY marriage counseling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'How long have you been fighting?'

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).