Relationship Trouble Gifts

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

"The phone number is her idea. I think she wants to split up."

'You have to learn to communicate and share your feelings. Open Twitter accounts.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'He's always telling me he needs more space.'

"Your husband is fooling around."

Rusty knew the relationship was in trouble when she no longer wagged her tail when he came home.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I've had a terrible quarrel with the missus. . . mind if I crash here tonight?"

"Try mansplaining your way out of this one."

'Did you say we're breaking up, or I'm breaking up?'

'You, you, you. Why is it always about you?'

Maybe I was wrong?

Ereptile Dysfunction

'Fred leads a double life, and I can't stand either one of them!'

'Honey, I can explain...!'

'Harry!'

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

'I wanted 'Mr Right', not 'Mr Always-bloody-right'!'

'I thought you hated football, Sarah'

"I think there's been some kind of mistake...You've got us on the same ship!"

"Why don't you just tell me what idiotic thing you did, and I'll pick out the appropriate bouquet!"

"I knew it. You've been sleeping with that Rapunzel b***h."

"That's it, mister. You just lost your 'free range' status."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"When did we become just roommates?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."