Relationship Troubles Gifts

"Don't let this beautiful weather fool you into thinking everything's fine."

"Clearly, there are things we really should have discussed sooner!"

'When, Janice? When did our marriage start to go downhill?'

'Don't leave me Helen! Can't we talk about it after the golf tournament?'

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

'Why is it that every time we have an argument, I'm the one who has to sleep in the toilet.'

'There's too much Mahler in our marriage. We need some Mozart!'

"So all is not rosy in the garden?"

"When I first met Howard, he had a touch of class. As it turns out, it was just a touch."

'Harold was a lot more attentive when our relationship was on the line.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"Before we get going, is this the Big One?"

'Giles, I'm sorry, but it's just not working I didn't want to tell you this way. . . continued in bathroom. . .'

'Heaven knows we had some good wallows in the mud together, but I just can't take your oinking in your sleep anymore.'

STILL LIVES - 'I never know if I'm coming or going with you!'

'Marriage, on the rocks.'

'Our problems started when she put on a lot of air.'

"I just don't understand it...One day, during half time, she just stuck a note to my six pack and left."

Cheating husband doesn't know wife knows

'Clever tricks aside. You know the only way you're gonna keep your man home at night is to fix that window screen.'

"Yes, we did try to save our marriage. But, then he ran off with the marriage guidance counsellor."

"I always seem to attract nutters."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I gave everything to this man... everything! And what did he do? He cheats on me with a debt consultant!"

"Rachel, I need a sense of closure."

Infidelity in couples

"What's all this about, Eve?"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'A distraught Tom Cruise, upset over his impending divorce with Katie Holmes, has threatened to jump off Oprah's couch.'

Nutcracker Affair

"Is there something you want to tell me Gerald?"

An emergency broken heart.

"Well I hope you're happy."