Relationship Problems Gifts

"No, no, sweetheart—you stay and have a good time … I’m fine here burning you in effigy."

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

'I think we should start seeing other people.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."