Relationship Problems Pillows

"No, no, sweetheart—you stay and have a good time … I’m fine here burning you in effigy."

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

'I think we should start seeing other people.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Great Therapy!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"We don't talk anymore."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

DIY marriage counseling.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'