Relationship Issue Pillows

Man says: 'Either that cat goes or I go.'

'He says he needs his own space.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Great Therapy!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"