Relationship Challenged Pillows

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Great Therapy!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

DIY marriage counseling.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).