Relationship Challenged Pillows

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"