Relationship Dilemma Pillows

"I want to break up, but he's got an espresso machine."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

DIY marriage counseling.