Relationship Doubts Pillows

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

'On second thought, let's just be friends.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

DIY marriage counseling.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

'How long have you been fighting?'

Relationship Issues.