Relationship Crisis Gifts

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Oh, come on, Jack. That's not fair – you're taking all my infidelities out of context!"

"The virtual reality is I still don't love you."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'She thinks I'm full of hot air.'

'Tell me Jennifer, is there someone else?'

"Oh oh, you'd better run, I recognise my husband's knock anywhere."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

DIY marriage counseling.