Dating Mishap Gifts

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."