Dating Misadventure Appreciation Pillows

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

She's a little too friendly.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

"This is the dumbest idea ever! I'm just gonna call Estella and ask her what's up."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

A hunter shoots what he thinks is a bird, but turns out to be a big 'm'.

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"

'I'm not playing hard to get. I'm a lesbian.'