Dating Misadventure Appreciation Pillows

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

Cupid's Arrow Misses, and Dog Falls In Love with a Man's Leg.

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

She's a little too friendly.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

"This is the dumbest idea ever! I'm just gonna call Estella and ask her what's up."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

'I'm not playing hard to get. I'm a lesbian.'

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"