Dating Misadventurer Pillows

'Sorry I'm not your type. . .Inflatable.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

The perfect man

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Mate Mart

Russian Dating.

"She said don't forget the straw."

Please use another building entirely

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

The island paradise is the same as on the brochure, just a tad smaller than he thought.

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

The Barber of Tulsa, a regional opera that closed opening night.

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

Borrow the Bag?

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

'The Trumpet Compulsory.'