Love Misadventurers Pillows

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"I met my first husband at Bloomingdale's and my second husband at Banana Republic."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'I wanted something special...not another candlelight dinner!'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"When you promised me a lift home...."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

Tough Love 2000

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

The Adventures of Morton

"Rayna, will you be my girlfriend?"

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

She's a little too friendly.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

'I hate these romance cruises.'

Sex shop

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

Chaplain Speedo: speed dating, express marriage, quick counseling, overnight divorce. Drive Thru.

'I can't let you catch me - you need the exercise more than you need sex!'

"Dear, you're being replaced by a machine."

'Your profile says 'old-fashioned kinda guy', that's exactly what I'm looking for in a man.'

"Ready for the second part?"

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."