Dating Misadventures Pillows

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

"When you promised me a lift home...."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Here's your... neti pot... to share..."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

The Adventures of Morton

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

Cupid's Arrow Misses, and Dog Falls In Love with a Man's Leg.

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

'I hate these romance cruises.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

I always strike out on blind dates

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'