Dating Misadventures Pillows

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

"When you promised me a lift home...."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"Here's your... neti pot... to share..."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

The Adventures of Morton

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'I hate these romance cruises.'

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

"This is the dumbest idea ever! I'm just gonna call Estella and ask her what's up."

I always strike out on blind dates

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'