Dating Escapades Pillows

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

Misery Likes Company Dating Agency. Yup, this was the place.

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.

'I'll just ring mother to see if I'm free to take you out on Saturday.'

'...then he asked me to drive down the road with the mobile to give him phone sex.'

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

'Now mom wants to add her e-mail address.'

I decided to start off a date drunk for a change.

"No, I won't date you, but here's a medal for showing up!"

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Know any other bed-time tricks?'

'Two please-and I mean TWO boats!'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"Loved our evening, Lou. Thanks for being rich."

"Have you got any after ten tours for people who never get up before eight-thirty?"

Six arms, no waiting.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

Boyfriend Shirt.

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

"I dreamt I was on a desert island with seven starving women."

Fourplay.

'Not now, Lord!'

"You're not much of a romantic, are you?"

'Let's go somewhere where I can be alone.'

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

'...How could your wife possibly know we're in Venice?'

'I found it in the Khama Sutra...it's an old indian bondage trick.'

"If my dad asks where we met just say 'on holiday'."