Dating Escapades Mugs

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

Misery Likes Company Dating Agency. Yup, this was the place.

'I'll just ring mother to see if I'm free to take you out on Saturday.'

'...then he asked me to drive down the road with the mobile to give him phone sex.'

'Well I struck out that time. She says she doesn't drink.'

'Now mom wants to add her e-mail address.'

I decided to start off a date drunk for a change.

"No, I won't date you, but here's a medal for showing up!"

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Know any other bed-time tricks?'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Two please-and I mean TWO boats!'

"Loved our evening, Lou. Thanks for being rich."

Six arms, no waiting.

"Have you got any after ten tours for people who never get up before eight-thirty?"

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"You're not much of a romantic, are you?"

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

'Not now, Lord!'

Boyfriend Shirt.

"I dreamt I was on a desert island with seven starving women."

Fourplay.

'Let's go somewhere where I can be alone.'

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

'...How could your wife possibly know we're in Venice?'

"You should have told me you needed advice."

'It was so romantic. The sun, the sea, the mud.'

'Don't tell anybody, but I have a date tonight with a rogue agent.'

"If my dad asks where we met just say 'on holiday'."