Dating Escapades Enthusiast Pillows

Why do you say you won't go out with me because it would be a conflict of interest? Because it's kinder than telling you the real list of reasons. And 20 times quicker.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

The perfect man

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

Man and woman on donkeys at the beach

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Ostrich Bar

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"She said don't forget the straw."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Mate Mart

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

Romantic Coffee Dates

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.