Dating Adventures Lover Pillows

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

The perfect man

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

Pete never wanted the fame that came with being a national symbol...he just thought it was a good way to meet girls.

Ostrich Bar

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Russian Dating.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Mate Mart

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.