Dating Disaster Chuckler Gifts

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

I always strike out on blind dates

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

'You give me goose bumps.'

A young man creating an awkward silence

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

'Talk about a disastrous blind date: A quick look at her teeth told me she was a lot older than she said...'

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."