Dating Disaster Explorer Gifts

Don't look down, just keep making eye contact...

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"Yee yee hee hee how how yip yip."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'But enough about me... let's talk about you. Do you prefer plain or ribbed condoms?'

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'....in fact, I don't even know why Mrs. Goldberg put us together.'

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"How many sex partners have you had?"

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

'I'll tell you a joke; I lied about the GSOH!'

Distraught. Let's hear it. I met this girl last night and she gave me her number. Awesome. So? I texted her. And? I haven't heard back. Hold on. Remain calm. How long has it been? Panic!!! Oh, never mind. I texted to the wrong number. Generation I -- for impatient!! Exhale.

Date Time. Maybe an online dating site is not the best place to search for an honest person, Diogenes.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Before this goes any farther, you should know that I have kids, and I'm old, and I live in a shoe."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

The Adventures of Morton :This has been my best first date ever...Sooo, what about our plans for the future? YOu know, marriage, kids?...Tell me if I move too fast, okay?

Give that woman a Pink Squirrel! Give that man a black eye.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'