Awkward Date Survivor Gifts

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"I'm sure you're a nice man, but I'm not interested in hearing your plan for a flat tax."

When Worlds Collide:

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

The Adventures of Morton: Is this all there is to an eighty-three-dollar and forty-cent evening, Lord?

She went out with a coroner once. He shook her hand when they met ??" then told her what it weighed.

'If you won't invite me in for a nightcap, why don't we both get naked and call each other on our photo phones?'

Stuck with another lousy blind date, Karen hits her emergency dating eject button.

'Are you feeling as angry, helpless, bloated and turned on as I am?'

"I hear 'mysterious' when you call me creepy."

"In the bedroom I turn into an animal."

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'