Bad Date Survivors Gifts

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'I don't like the way that guy is looking at me.'

First dates designed to impress.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Tunnel of lurve

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'You write books, you say!'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."