Bad Date Survivors T-Shirts

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'I don't like the way that guy is looking at me.'

First dates designed to impress.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

Tunnel of lurve

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'You write books, you say!'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'