Dating Saga Survivor Gifts

"Every guy out there is either married, gay, or a human suit zipped around a column of ants."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Generation Ex.

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"Recently separated."

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."