Dating App Survivor Gifts

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"I'm not finding anything on these dating sites for you. We may have to take more radical action."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"You had me at hell..."

"To be honest you're not what I was expecting. Your profile on the dating app said you were a small business owner."

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic

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