Dating App Survivor Pillows

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

I understand your home state's motto is, "Virginia is for lovers." True. Unfortunately for you, yours is, "New Jersey is for lonely guys."

"I'm not finding anything on these dating sites for you. We may have to take more radical action."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"You had me at hell..."

"To be honest you're not what I was expecting. Your profile on the dating app said you were a small business owner."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.