Dating App Veteran Gifts

"Well, this is me."

'My experience in the HR field is 10 years with online dating and 2 years in a meaningful relationship.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

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I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

Netflix and chill?

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

"Huge fan."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'He was taller online!'

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

'To learn more about me, swipe my forehead with your smart phone.'

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

'It turned out to be a very crummy date and I kept thinking, 'I shaved my legs for this?''

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

'I get the feeling you haven't heard a word I've said.'

Tinder for dogs

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)