Dating Game Veteran Gifts

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You lack spontaniety."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

Do you play footsie on the first date? Yes, but I only use the first toe.

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

Cards Blind Dating Game

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."

"I fancy tall men."

"If he was just 8 inches taller...million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … Tina for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out her near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! that's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.