Dating Game Fan Gifts

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

"She's just being Koi."

'I take playing footsie very seriously, Jane. You may have won the first two rounds, but let's make it three out of five.'

Do you play footsie on the first date? Yes, but I only use the first toe.

Joe Hundredaire

Cards Blind Dating Game

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"There's something different about you."

"I fancy tall men."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

'My perfume? Actually, it's called 'insect repellent' but at the moment it doesn't seem to be working.'

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

'Well David Chuck, let's see your ideal partner...'

'Oh yeah? Well step outside to my hotel room and say that.'

'Alright, alright - you win this row. Let's make it best out of three.'

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

No pressure

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

'In the looks department, Bill is very planed. On our date, we went to a bar and he go me hammered. I got bent out of shape and split. In my opinion, the guy's a bit warped.'

"You were right! 'Love' means nothing to him."

'Don't take it personally Dave, I'm just not into guys with ponytails.'

"Listen, if this horn really worked as an aphrodisiac I wouldn't be spending all my money on dating websites, now would I?"

"You've got a new boyfriend - mummy has too!"

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

I'm in a quandary, Ann. On the one hand, I was hoping to have "the most fun you can have without laughing" tonight. On the other hand, this being a comic strip, going for laughs is the whole idea. What would Beetle Bailey do?

"Oh, Harold would never divorce me. I hold the key to his heart. . . and one to a certain safety deposit box!"

Speed Dating. Ernie likes speed dating because the date's duration has a guaranteed minimum.

"It's about this smart T.V. that you sold me, it won't let me watch Love Island."

Mona Lisa in a bar: 'Forget it, Ted...she's way out of your league!'

'I've got a moth who's very keen to meet a light bulb.'

'Mind if I borrowed my medical history chart? I've got a blind date tonight.'

"I've been watching 'The Crown'! Before that, I thought that 'Edward the Seventh' was a bad dating pattern!"

'I finally found Mr Right!'

Never say you don't have a girlfriend.