Dating App Fan Gifts

"Apparently men think about sex every five sex."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

cuPad

Today's love

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

Joe Hundredaire

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'He was taller online!'

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

'To learn more about me, swipe my forehead with your smart phone.'

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

Tinder for dogs

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

Courtship versus Tinder

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."