Modern Dating Fan Gifts

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"She's just being Koi."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Joe Hundredaire

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"Something from our wine list?"

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"Do you really care or are you just being a good listener?"

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I'm so shallow."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'The lemon ice cream is delicious. What about yours?'

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"We need to text about our relationship."

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

Date night between a Capricorn and Sagittarius.

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."