Romantic Survivors Gifts

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Generation Ex.

Ereptile Dysfunction

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Recently separated."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'