Online Dating Skeptic Gifts

If you meet someone online who says he's a 22 year old software millionaire who looks like Harry Styles he's really unemployed, 45 and lives with his mother!

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

"Gee, you didn't mention your wart in your personal."

"I could have sworn you were a herbivore in your online profile."

"We met on-line and I promised to sweep you off your feet and take you far away."

Unclear on the concept.

"I don't like sweetcorn".

Life is for the birds.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Right click for yes...

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"You may now kiss the bride."

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

Today's love

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'Your website or mine?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

cuPad

"Everybody meets online these days."

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'