Relationship Critique Pillows

Dating Agency with Best Before Dates.

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"We don't talk anymore."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

The Map of the Human Heart

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

Tunnel of like.

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."