Relationship Critique Pillows

Dating Agency with Best Before Dates.

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"We don't talk anymore."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

The Map of the Human Heart

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

Tunnel of like.

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"I am staying ‘present,’ and presently she’s annoying me!"