Relationship Commentators Pillows

'You are distancing yourself, aren't you?'

"And now she's dating a man, of all people."

"Only thing he can't crack is why his wife would just up and leave."

"Who'd have guessed it eh? We hated each other all along."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'