Relationship Commentators Pillows

'You are distancing yourself, aren't you?'

"And now she's dating a man, of all people."

"Only thing he can't crack is why his wife would just up and leave."

"Who'd have guessed it eh? We hated each other all along."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Now who's being judgy?"

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'