Relationship Commentator Pillows

'I'm sorry, Henry, but you're just not cost effective any more.'

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

'Yes I do, and so does he.'

"I don't want to get too serious."

'Mom, why would I need a husband? Nowadays, everybody works with subcontractors!'

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

"Goodnight sweetheart I'm off to troll you on Twitter!"

'Do you, Roy, take Jana as your trophy wife, and do you, Jana, take Roy as your sugar daddy?'

'She's his kind of woman and he's her kind of man but apparently I'm not their kind of kid!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"Catherine has brought gravitas to the marriage."

'Honey, I'm home! -- Are you decent?'

"I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, Arron, but your bait's too small to attract anything else."

'Typical of a boy - yesterday he wanted to marry me. . .'

'I'm reading a book on torture - sleep deprivation, cigarette burns, electric shock - how it can improve a relationship.'

I'll bet I can remove your wallet faster than you can remove my bra.

'At first I feared I had become a bad lover... But then, to my relief, I realized the lady has simply died'!

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'

'I'm cutting carbs - all 243 pounds of him. The divorce is final tuesday.'

Man with forked tongue with caption 'liar'.

'I hope Mom and Dad get back together. I miss the hypocrisy.'

'She gave me my ring back with one hand and back-handed me with the other.'

Downtrodden man.

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

"And is there any particular reason Mrs Muglewump for you wanting to divorce your 93 year old billionaire husband?"

"Gosh no! I don't only think of you as old. . . I think of you as old and rich!"

"He walked out on her, leaving her with 3 young children and her husband."

"So tell me a little bit about yourself. A very little bit."

"Must I do everything myself? Those are salted nuts."

"It was the divorce, she took half of everything."