Relationship Pundits Pillows

"I hear you're getting a divorce."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Now who's being judgy?"

Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"This time, she went too far."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."